Now that we’ve dug into my past and uncovered the root of my trauma, this week you guys can get to know me a little bit! Just kidding, I’ve already told you more about myself than I have anyone else. It’s so weird opening up like this, but a little freeing too.
So like I said, I had a little help from my friend Xanax. This was meant to help treat my anxiety and panic attacks that I had especially when it got stressful at school. Even Lisa didn’t know about my medication.
I knew I shouldn’t feel ashamed. I was a doctor after all; I knew how important keeping your mental health in check was. It just felt like I was using a vice-like I was admitting I wasn’t strong enough to handle life’s struggles just like dad.
I know now that it wasn’t even close to the same thing. Dad drank alcohol and let it take him over, and his real self came out. His real self was not a great guy.
I took my medication because my anxiety kept my true self hidden. My real self was pretty chill and. . . also prone to addiction, thanks to dear old dad.
You see, if you have a family member with a history of addiction, you have a far higher likelihood of becoming addicted yourself. But since dad was besties with alcohol, I never made the connection that I and Xanax could become a little too close, you know?
At first, I used Xanax properly. I followed the dosage instructions to the letter. But once I finished school and the true pressure of being a doctor hit me, it became all too easy to abuse it.
That’s when I started prescribing it to myself, and everything started to break down.