When Lisa Noticed

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The first thing Lisa noticed was my lack of a sex drive. Yeah, it’s personal, but it is also a side effect of long term Xanax use. She and I had always had a healthy and active sex life. So when it started to go on the decline, she noticed.

Of course, she felt self-conscious. She thought I wasn’t attracted to her anymore, but I assured her I was. Then she thought maybe I was cheating, but I proved that I wasn’t. I would never have cheated on Lisa, she was basically a goddess all flowing hair and big doe eyes. She was sweet and smart and I would have been a fool to cheat.

So once Lisa noticed I never wanted to have sex anymore, she started to notice other things as well. She noticed I’d lost weight, like a lot of it. I was never a big dude, but I wasn’t scrawny either. I lost 20 lbs over the course of six months and they weren’t 20 lbs I really could afford to lose.

I was looking gaunt. I also never had an appetite, even though I used to eat massive amounts of food at once without a problem. When we spent a whole day out together and she noticed my popping pill after pill she finally made the connection.

“We need to talk,” she said one morning, and I knew I was in trouble.

I still hadn’t realized I had an addiction issue, but I still was smart enough to not tell her how much I was taking. That was a sign in itself. I was hiding it because deep down I knew it wasn’t right.

“I think you’re taking too many pills,” Lisa told me, and I just smirked.

“Honey, you’re a chemist, not a doctor.”

That was not the right thing to say to my fiancé, and she rolled her eyes. Hard. I can’t blame her now.

From out of nowhere she pulled out my prescription bottle, fingernail pressed hard to the label. “You’re your own prescribing doctor now, huh?”

I knew it was bad. “It’s just easier this way baby, that way I don’t have to waste time going to a doctor.”

Lisa had rattled that bottle, beautiful eyes narrowed. “This is a bit full. How many do you take a day?”

“I dunno, one or two?”

“You took more than two yesterday. I know for a fact that you took at least four.”

I had sighed dramatically and made my final mistake. That last nail in my proverbial coffin. “Why does this even matter?”

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