This one isn’t really as fun as the others. This was a very dark time in my life, and let’s just say I am glad I made it through.
The title kind of says all, huh. I was taking so many pills a day I lost count. I still didn’t realize I had a problem. I wasn’t spending all my time tracking down my next fix. I was functioning perfectly at work and at home, even if my relationship had failed.
Normal signs of an addict didn’t really fit me. I wasn’t hiding it, because I had no one to hide it from. I wasn’t upturning my life in search of the drug because I could easily prescribe it to myself. And that was the real problem, I was fueling my own addiction, and that kept me blind to it.
I don’t know how many pills I took that Thursday, but it must have been a lot. I know this because I ended up overdosing while I was at work.
When I’d been going through med school, I had wondered at the overdose warnings when it came to prescription pills. Like, who can accidentally take too many? It tells you right on the bottle how many to take.
I told myself there wasn’t such a thing as an accidental overdose, people were just lying about wanting to kill themselves.
I swear to God I didn’t want to kill myself.
But the day came where I took too many pills, and I’m lucky I passed out where someone could find me. It was in the stairwell at the hospital, of all things. One minute I was feeling a bit nauseous and woozy and I had to sit down. Then my breathing slowed, and I passed out.
A nurse found me, terrified out of her mind. It must not have made much sense, but she knew the signs of an overdose and saved my life.
Instead of dying that Thursday afternoon I got a second chance at life.
I was in the hospital for a few days, and I managed to lie away from the problem. I got myself out of trouble, but I knew that was just the beginning. I finally realized that Lisa had been right all along and I was addicted to my Xanax.
Now all that was left was to figure out what to do about it.